I'd like to thank my mom....

......for this hidden creative talent that I just

discovered.....

I've been planning a baby shower for a dear friend and in the process I found a few hidden talents. I think I might try to make some money from this after I make a few just for fun for friends....

Take a look...Here's what I've spent nearly 16 hours a day doing for the past week. Yes, my fingers hurt but this is soooo much fun. The green/blue tutu is my personal favorite so far...I've had 8 requests for these already.

Letters & tutu made for a very special little girls room.

Avangelina Grace Robinette

Some special little girl will be a lady bug this halloween and I'll have just the perfect tutu for her!

How about some funky feathers to spruce up this pink one?

Ok enough with the fabulous tutus...here are a few additional items I've been working on...I'm addicted. I've made these for nearly all the babies I know and I even made one special one for my dad and father in law.

Some of the world's best future MVPs deserve a wall mount, don't you think?

For a sweet little girl in KY.

Every guy deserves to feel like a "man".

"A" for Ayden who likes froggies :)

For my daddy!

For my hubby, but I made another just like it for my father in law.









A few of the items all together.

For Miss Ava future Miss Tennessee

I've had a relatively successful weekend. I created many things for friends and I've even had a few items purchased. I think i found a new hobby/business venture.

If anyone sees something they would like just give me a buzz or email me I will be more than happy to make a personal plaque or tutu. (all tutus are only $8...by the way, and plaques are only $5).

God bless. I'll post more tomorrow once I have time to take more pictures.

My journal entry...

Dear Messed up, Unreliable, Unhealthy Reproductive Organs,

I've kept you warm and in tact for over 24 years now....so why must you continue to let me down? I'm young, healthy, and on a mission to start a family (well, when Jeff returns from Iraq of course) and you continue to keep giving me false hope. I give you meds, you soak them up and then spit them out...Doctors poke me and stick me, and you laugh with your empty grin on the ultrasound machine....

Seriously, if you want to mess with someone's fertility; why not do it to someone who DOESN'T want children? I'm angry, frustrated, pissed, and annoyed with you...stupid reproductive organs.

You have managed to tease me 5 times and then crash and burn 100 m0re. What will it take for just one miracle? Let me know...and I promise to do it! I'll soak you with only water, I'll cut out sweets (again), I'll try all the new "trial" drugs....just give me one miracle.

Doctors say it's because of PCOS....BUT I think you're plotting a big surprise when we're flat broke, in the middle of our big move from Hawaii to Colorado, stressed out and exhausted....you'll hit me with a big BFP! I just know it...come on don't let us down!

Mom was told it wasn't possible and here I am....so guess what; sometimes reproductive organs have a heart and straighten up...lol...so try it sometime. I'll be eternally grateful. If you give me this miracle soon, I'll return the favor and name our first born (girl) after you...seriously....mORGAN it is!

So, once again my sweet, kind, sensitive, perfectly created reproductive organs....look past my angry remarks every 28 days when you must make my life stressful and create us a beautiful egg which doctors can work with....

Waiting on a miracle,
Desperate to be " Mommy-to-be "

P.S. The sweets comment was just a joke...girls gotta have sweet so girls' parts gotta have sweets too! :)

Check off: #35 & #41

I am just so excited to share that I worked on #s 35 & 41. As you can see from my previous post that these two goals were 35. Pray outside of the box and 41. Sing louder in church.

Today was the first time I visited church in a few weeks. I was feeling a little "lost" prior to Jeff's two week r&r from Iraq so I did not attend for a few weeks and I know it's not an excuse but we skipped church those two weeks.

But, the good news is I WENT TODAY! I was telling my husband and a few friends that I felt so GREAT at church today. Not because it's a wonderfully accepting house of the Lord, not because everyone has such great smiles, not because it's the only place you can worship in board shorts and bathing suits, not because I sat beside a good friend but because I FELT HIM! In the music, in the sermon, in the air I felt Him today. ALL AROUND ME! I had a very difficult week and for some reason I felt like He was not here, I cried last night asking "where are you when I need YOU" and I honestly felt His arms wrap around me and say "I'm here". I also told my husband today that I am starting to feel peace with my body's inability to carry a child. It pains my heart, I constantly wonder if I"ll ever have my own but I feel a sense of peace that He WILL provide.

Ok so back to my goals...I sang louder today. I did not blow anyone's ear drums out, but I sang louder. I sang TO Him, for Him, and in His honor. I sang louder.

My other goal, to pray outside of the box. This was something I did for myself. I asked msyelf to not just pray before bed, before meals or when I needed something but I prayed "outside of the box". I pulled into the driveway today and just felt an urgency come over my heart to pray for someone. I do not know if this person needed my prayers, but I just prayed for her. I also put in a little word for my dear husband and his soldiers ;) I prayed again in the middle of my kitchen. I thanked Him for the sermon He preached that I felt was directed toward me. The sermon was on comfort vs fear of Him. I have been struggling with "feeling him" and finding comfort in Him. I do fear him, oh boy do I fear Him. I know He saw me steal that cookie from the kitchen when I was younger and I still beg for His forgiveness. I just need to learn comfort in the Holy Spirit. I often doubt that someone, something, He is listening. And with a simple prayer in my kitchen, I felt Him again...two days in a row. What a glorious and wonderful Lord we serve.

"...and walking in the fear of the Lord, and in the comfort of the Holy Ghost, were multiplied."Acts 9: 31

Update on 101 Things (update update)

So, Jeff just went back to Iraq after two wonderful weeks together and it has been a horrible week for me, but I realized this morning that I need to do something that will motivate me to stop being so sad. A few months ago I posted about 101 things that I would like to accomplish. While working on this list I also realized that giving myself a time limit was not the important part, it's accomplishing everything that I set out to do.

After spending a wonderful vacation with my wonderful husband I have a few updates for my "to do" list.

Enjoy.

Also, feel free to share with me your list if you have one and if not, maybe this will encourage someone to start their own list. It's great to look at it and update it with my achievements and my near future goals.

1. Become closer to God (I feel like I am closer than ever!!)

2. Move to Colorado (January 2010)

3. Have a baby (another set back, but God has the healing power, right Angie?)

4. Finish my Master's in Education (getting closer by the minute...or paper)

5. Become a Certified Teacher in Colorado

6. Purchase Jeff's bike (SUPRISED HIM TWO WEEKS AGO)

7. Give back to my parents/in laws (BIG TIME)...working on that one right now.

8. Donate to children in honor of our 3 angel babies....5 angel babies now. :(

9. Do something special for Jeff (DID THAT....working on something else for October)

10. Finish losing weight (20 lbs down...only 10 more to go)....going to work off the 3 gained while he was home. Well worth the 3 lbs gain though.

11. Continue 8 miles a day (well, I've toned it down following doctors orders....lots of cardio though)

12. Save for baby fund (penny by penny)

13. Save for Italy fund (2011..not sure if that is still in the plans w/ this economy)

14. Visit after my sister has her baby (May/June....coming quickly)

15. Drive from Colorado to SC and PA

16. Visit DisneyLand or DisneyWorld

17. Become a full time teacher in Colorado

18. Keep up my 3.9 GPA...or get 4.0 (3.95 currently)! WOO HOO

19. Read the entire bible (working on this chapter by chapter)

20.Become debt free (minus Student loans) (WE'RE THERE....GOD IS GOOD!)

21. Make another deployment scrapbook (havent even started)

22. Encourage hubby to finish school (he's making that HIS priority now)

23. Strengthen my marriage (we're stronger than ever....I feel)

24. Make a new friend every month (made one this month so far)

25. Mow the backyard (I did it then hubby did it....guess it's my turn again.)

26. Deal with my grief from the miscarriages (starting over and picking up the pieces AGAIN)

27. Continue fertility options (April 1st VERY important doctor important)

28. Try a new meal (DID THAT DID THAT...while hubby was home. It was delicious)

29. Find out why Lucki (& now Makai) scratches so much. (hmm...no answers at the vet but it's getting better day by day.)

30. Save for a deposit on a new home (in about 8 years)

31. Trade in our cars for a safe SUV (well, anyone want to buy my car? Then, we'll buy a new SUV when we get to Colorado)

32. Enjoy Colorado's snow

33. Call my sister's more often (enjoying our weekly conversations)

34. Enjoy 5 moments w/o cell phone or interruption with hubby (LOVED EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT OF IT THE PAST TWO WEEKS.)

35. Pray outside of the box (little inside thing) (focusing on that right now actually)

36. Finish my homework sooner than 1 day before due date (not happening...yet)

37. Study for the Praxis exams (test is March 21st...keep me in your prayers if you have room)

38. Ace the Praxis exams

39. Learn to be a little more patient (it's actually happening...thanks to prayer)

40. Clean my house from corner to corner monthly....or bi-monthly LOL (HAHAHAHAH)

41. Sing louder in church

42. Send out christmas cards with Jeff photoshopped in the pic (DID IT!)

43. Get an oil change every 3,000 miles without hubby nagging me. (DID IT!)

44. Start Jeff's car during this deployment every week. (hmmm....got a new battery now I have to keep that up)

45. Learn to be thankful for little things....like my puppies kisses. (learning...slowly)

46. Maintain garden in Hawaii AND Colorado (hmm...i need some help)

47. STAND UP FOR MYSELF! (i tried....i did it with one person..but not with the one person i needed to)

48. Work on my hearing (hmm..what'd you say?)

49. Host a great Christmas brunch (went home instead.)

50. Improve my aim (at the range)

New Goals: (silly, but they are mine.)

51. Encourage someone to get to know God.

52. Make room in my prayers for myself and my needs.

53. Keep asking questions and don't take no for an answer (KNOWLEDGE IF POWER ~ Angie Smith)

54. Become better with finances (in other words, find better deals).

55. Find out why my hip hurts so much. (doctor's suggestions are not working)

56. Stop biting my nails. (I have stopped so many times before...i can do this.)

57. Become more active with charities and fundraisers. (currently working on this in many ways.)

58. Remember to put the recycling boxes out every Tuesday. (NOT WEDNESDAY)

59. Convince Jeff we don't need another dog. (yes, he wants ANOTHER dog.)

60. Pray for one new person everyday. (even if I do not know them).....I think I do this anyway, but I want to pray for a new person throughout the day.

Ok, so if anyone is reading share your goals with me. It helps me to think of my own goals that I need to achieve and it might help you realize some things that you want to do.

I also forgot to mention one goal that I had was to go on a helicopter ride and NOT get sick. Well, during our two week r&r I DID IT! Here is a pic below. It was WONDERFUL.

I will post more pictures of our wonderful r&r later today.

Hourly countdown begins....

So, I just got word that Jeff leaves in a few hours to head home...but, he still won't be home until early Monday morning. Im so excited I could jump out of my skin. I've been trying so hard to get everything done that I totally neglected my dogs (don't turn me in to the ASPCA). No, I didn't forget to feed them, I just didn't give them attention for three days and hardly noticed that they stunk so bad they made my couch stink (yes they have been washed now). Jeff is incredibly excited too. He keeps calling saying "2 more days....see you then" he reminds me so I dont have to keep remembering how many hours are left....hint: that's how i knew 84 more hours on my facebook...lol

So, change subject:
I want to go to this concert Mercy Me next week SOOOO bad but Jeff just doesnt want to go. So, if anyone is going can you get an few extra pics for me? pleeeease. I just bought their latest CD and I LOVE IT! I blast it in my living room when I clean, eat, study, anything at all.

Ok, well if you notice its 5am and I'm wide awake writing a blog~ my nerves are just too much for me to sleep. hehehe

I'll post pics soon of our wonderful Monday!

My Bitter sweet day!

So, I have lots of details to share about my day. BUT, I'm exhausted and I dont want to steal my friend's thunder....so, I"ll give short details.

A close friend of mine is pregnant, with her first after trying for more than 2 years. I am overly joyed for her and excited. She was there for me to converse with while Jeff & I tried to get pregnant and we had more in common than any other person due to the struggles we face with infertility. Well, around here a certain doctor (Dr. Lucidi, RE) is called "a miracle worker & a baby maker"). I can say I've seen him get people pregnant FIRST HAND, including myself. While my pregnancies did not last, it was him that got me to that point of getting a positive on my test. But anyway, this is not about me.

So, today I had the wonderful pleasure of accompanying my friend to her 10 week appointment (I'll be EVERY SINGLE APPT in place of her deployed hubby). It was a routine appt., but I wanted to take pictures of her in the silly blue gown for her hubby. The did the norm: temp., weight, other female things, then came listening to the heartbeat.....

The doctor placed the little doo hicky thingy on her belly and began making funny faces...like she was confused. I can only imagine the look of fear on both of our faces. (It brought back horrible memories of the day we found out our little one lost his/her heartbeat). She sweetly explained that her uterus was in a funny position making it difficult to hear the heartbeat. So I grab my friend's arm just bracing for the worst (I didnt tell her that at the time) and then she brings in the ultrasound machine. I think we both were hoping the baby would be difficult so that she HAD to do an ultrasound and give us a peek. AND WE'RE SO GLAD SHE DID! At only 10 weeks 2 days, this baby was moving and grooving measuring at 10 weeks 6 days. I can honestly say it was the 3rd coolest day I've ever had....second, to my BFF at delivery of her now 5 yr old and my wedding to Jeff. I started crying and clapping immediately....I even took pictures of the machine just for her hubby. We both couldn't stop laughing or staring at this super cool picture of her beautiful baby....whether boy or girl...it has a mighty big head & heart...lol

Im sooo pumped for her. I didnt ask her permission...but I would have liked to share her pic to my blogger friends. I always thought that I would be pregnant with one of my close friends and I wouldnt be the LAST one in my circle of friends to have a baby. But, honestly I am ok. I thought today would be hard and I would have jealousy in my heart as bad as that sounds. BUT NOT AN OUNCE. I did come home to tell Jeff that I can't wait for him to experience that with our little one someday....but, to have the pleasure of being with her was....I"m at a loss for words. I am so blessed to have great friends who are so sensitive to my feelings even though I am sooo very very happy for them. I wish that I could just squeeze that baby's cheeks already.

Ok, now that I've told way more details than I planned....I have to go to bed. It's 11:11 which is my cue to get some sleep before my 6am workout.

God Bless!

March of Dimes Walk

Aloha Friends,

Please join me in supporting the March of Dimes Foundation this year!

On April 25, 2009 I will joining other Hawaii Military Wives as we support healthy babies and babies born prematurely. Every dollar counts...please make a donation even if it is only $1.00

We can all make a difference. Visit my page to check out my goal and make donations. You can remain anonymous~But, if you chose to leave your name I will be sure to send a special thank you from my Hawaiian group to you!

Thank you

visit my site: http://www.marchforbabies.org/Lezasc20

One of the many beautiful sights of Hawaii

I wanted to share some beautiful sights that I am so blessed to see while living in Hawaii...somedays I have to remind myself that this place is a blessings....even though somedays I just want to go back to the mainland. Im trying to enjoy as much as I can before we leave....just isnt the same without hubby though.

This pictures is from earlier this week.A good friend of mine (Jessie) and I relaxed on the beach for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. We both had off and decided to soak up some rays and talk about life. Here was what we saw baking in the sun beside us....

Before he rolled back over....

After he rolled over (this took forever...due to his silly size)....

Here's a view of the waves....pictures cannot even do justice for these massive things. The news said they were 30 foot faces...today I was there again with Roxy and they were EVEN BIGGER!

Update on my 101 things to do list.

So I posted this a few months ago. These are 50 of the 101 goals that I hope to achieve in 16 months. I put a few updates beside some of them. Just thought I'd share some of my progress over the past few months!

1. Become closer to God (working on that everyday)
2. Move to Colorado (January 2010)
3. Have a baby (someday?)
4. Finish my Master's in Education (working on that everyday...too)
5. Become a Certified Teacher in Colorado
6. Purchase Jeff's bike (October 2009)
7. Give back to my parents/in laws (BIG TIME)
8. Donate to children in honor of our 3 angel babies
9. Do something special for Jeff (working on that for r&r)
10. Finish losing weight (20 lbs down...only 10 more to go)
11. Continue 8 miles a day (even after Jeff returns) (still doing it...most days)
12. Save for baby fund
13. Save for Italy fund (2011)
14. Visit after my sister has her baby (March 2009)
15. Drive from Colorado to SC and PA
16. Visit DisneyLand or DisneyWorld
17. Become a full time teacher in Colorado
18. Keep up my 3.9 GPA...or get 4.0 (still maintaining that 4.0)
19. Read the entire bible (working on this chapter by chapter)
20.Become debt free (minus Student loans) (VERY VERY close)
21. Make another deployment scrapbook (havent even started)
22. Encourage hubby to finish school
23. Strengthen my marriage
24. Make a new friend every month (made 2 this month)
25. Mow the backyard (anyday now.....hmmm) (the nice housing guys did that for me.)
26. Deal with my grief from the miscarriages (praying about that everyday)
27. Continue fertility options (on hold until hubby is home)
28. Try a new meal (something I would never consider) (did that....Thanks to Roxy)
29. Find out why Lucki (& now Makai) scratches so much. (hmm...vet appt on Feb. 4)
30. Save for a deposit on a new home (in about 8 years)
31. Trade in our cars for a safe SUV (kind of working on that....next month)
32. Enjoy Colorado's snow
33. Call my sister's more often (hmm...waiting on them to call me back)
34. Enjoy 5 moments w/o cell phone or interruption with hubby (will do next month)
35. Pray outside of the box (little inside thing) (try to do that...everynight)
36. Finish my homework sooner than 1 day before due date (not happening...yet)
37. Study for the Praxis exams (slowly)
38. Ace the Praxis exams
39. Learn to be a little more patient (it's actually happening...thanks to prayer)
40. Clean my house from corner to corner monthly....or bi-monthly LOL (HAHAHAHAH)
41. Sing louder in church
42. Send out christmas cards with Jeff photoshopped in the pic (DID IT!)
43. Get an oil change every 3,000 miles without hubby nagging me. (DID IT!)
44. Start Jeff's car during this deployment every week. (hmmm....nope)
45. Learn to be thankful for little things....like my puppies kisses. (learning...slowly)
46. Maintain garden in Hawaii AND Colorado (except in the snow) (NOPE)
47. STAND UP FOR MYSELF! (i tried....i did it with one person..but not with the one person i needed to)
48. Work on my hearing (hmm..what'd you say?)
49. Host a great Christmas brunch (went home instead.)
50. Improve my aim (at the range)

IM HOPING THAT MY LIST ENCOURAGES SOMEONE ELSE TO MAKE A LIST OF GOALS, RESOLUTIONS, HOPES, DREAMS WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT AND MAKES A POINT TO COMPLETE THE LIST. THIS IS ONLY HALF MY LIST...BUT LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE, I DONT WANT TO GET AHEAD OF MYSELF AND LOSE SIGHT OF MY GOALS.

IF ANYONE ELSE TRIES THIS LET ME KNOW. I'D LOVE TO COMPARE GOALS AND METHODS TO ACHIEVE THESE GOALS.

GOD BLESS. NIGHT

What a journey!

So its 12:01am Hawaii time and I should be sleeping preparing for work, gym, homework, and cleaning...but instead, I'm exporing the blogging world. I just wanted to post a quick update. Next week, my cousin is having a baby....now, this seems perfectly normal in my world people always having babies. But, this day will be extra bittersweet. You see, she is due on January 28th. My original due date with baby #2 which we lost in June. I pray that Bean delivers a healthy baby girl/boy. (I'm thinking boy...but, thats for a later post.) I pray that the Lord provides them with strength and courage as they enter the world of parenting. I am also BEGGING the Lord to keep me so busy that day that I can hardly have time to think about my own pain. I know that if I have time to think about it I will only feel the physical pain of my broken heart. I forgot to mention this...but, I am so proud to share my Christmas present from hubby. He gave me a memorial necklace with the January birthstone. It's a simple necklace that is not some charm screaming "Look at me...Im a memorial for a baby lost". Its a very sudtle heart charm with a flower and the jewel hanging below. The necklace came with a great card that reads:

Forget Me Not

My little one
you have left us too soon
though my body
can no longer hold you
i hold you forever in my heart
As precious and beautiful
as this flower caught in time
A mother's love
does not forget.

I framed the card and using my scrapbooking skills decorating it where I see it everyday in my kitchen.

The moment I opened the box I just fell to the floor crying and wishing that I did not have to remember my babies with a charm. I am very thankful that my wonderful husband remembered that I wanted a memorial. We do not have pictures, a lock of hair, or a footprint to stare at when we are feeling down...but, now I have a small reminder that a life DID exist. So, next week as my cousin is meeting her beautiful miracle I hope that my day passes so quickly that I only have time to peak down at my charm and take a moment to remember...but, not long enough to ponder. I pray that the Lord brings me strength and peace as I smile for others and pray for my turn.