Dear Baby Strayer,
The moment I found out I was pregnant with you daddy was gone to train for another year of war. I instantly wondered how I was going to spend a year without him here and how we would survive on our own. After the instant fear passed, I began to dial phone numbers. Daddy wasnt answering....so I called a close friend. I was so excited that I dropped to my knees and prayed. I prayed that God would take care of you and then I thanked Him for this miracle. You see mommy and daddy had been trying really hard to have a baby and it just was not working. As we approached daddys departure date we had completely given up. You were truly a miracle baby no matter how long you were in mommys tummy. Our first doctor visit to "see" you was filled with many emotions. I felt in my heart something was wrong, after the doctor showed me and daddy your little tiny heartbeat I had a moment of peace. We left the hospital wrapped in eachother's arms. Daddy kept singing a song called "Baby Strayer". It was the happiest time of my life. I held you in my tummy for 7 wonderful weeks. Every symptom of pregnancy was the most wonderful experience...honestly, it was. I didnt mind being sick or even sleeping all day. I loved having a purpose. My purpose was to be your mother.
It has been two weeks since God called you home. I will never hold you in this physical world, I will never take you to the doctors for your 6 weeks check up, never have your 1yr pictures taken by your talented Grandma, and daddy will never have the chance to teach you baseball or cheerleading...whatever you wanted. I cry so hard when I think of all the times we will never share. I long to meet you and hold you. Someday when our Father calls me home, will you please wait for me at the gates? I'll know your face anywhere even though I've never seen your smile.
Every moment that you were "here" I loved you even more. Did you know that I read to you? I did not even know that I was pregnant yet and I read a bible verse to you. I cannot explain it but for three whole days before I found out the doggies (who would have loved you) sat on my lap sniffing my tummy. So I thought that was a "sign" that maybe something is in there. So I was reading something a story in the bible about a man named Abraham and I read that story to you.
I know that someday when it is my time I will be a mommy again. I know that you'll be his/her guardian angel. Please watch over me and daddy as we embark on yet another deployment. I will talk to you everynight and make sure that I remember the short time you were here in mommys tummy. Please do not ever forget that we wanted you so much! I promise that I'll do everything right so that we can meet in His presence.
Partying and Playing
4 days ago