Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What a journey!

So its 12:01am Hawaii time and I should be sleeping preparing for work, gym, homework, and cleaning...but instead, I'm exporing the blogging world. I just wanted to post a quick update. Next week, my cousin is having a baby....now, this seems perfectly normal in my world people always having babies. But, this day will be extra bittersweet. You see, she is due on January 28th. My original due date with baby #2 which we lost in June. I pray that Bean delivers a healthy baby girl/boy. (I'm thinking boy...but, thats for a later post.) I pray that the Lord provides them with strength and courage as they enter the world of parenting. I am also BEGGING the Lord to keep me so busy that day that I can hardly have time to think about my own pain. I know that if I have time to think about it I will only feel the physical pain of my broken heart. I forgot to mention this...but, I am so proud to share my Christmas present from hubby. He gave me a memorial necklace with the January birthstone. It's a simple necklace that is not some charm screaming "Look at me...Im a memorial for a baby lost". Its a very sudtle heart charm with a flower and the jewel hanging below. The necklace came with a great card that reads:

Forget Me Not

My little one
you have left us too soon
though my body
can no longer hold you
i hold you forever in my heart
As precious and beautiful
as this flower caught in time
A mother's love
does not forget.

I framed the card and using my scrapbooking skills decorating it where I see it everyday in my kitchen.

The moment I opened the box I just fell to the floor crying and wishing that I did not have to remember my babies with a charm. I am very thankful that my wonderful husband remembered that I wanted a memorial. We do not have pictures, a lock of hair, or a footprint to stare at when we are feeling down...but, now I have a small reminder that a life DID exist. So, next week as my cousin is meeting her beautiful miracle I hope that my day passes so quickly that I only have time to peak down at my charm and take a moment to remember...but, not long enough to ponder. I pray that the Lord brings me strength and peace as I smile for others and pray for my turn.

1 comment:

Amy said...

You are so strong and brave. You are truly filled with the spirit of God and He will guide you down this difficult path you are facing. Just as you have memories of your precious babies, know that you are God's precious child and He will always cradle you in His arms just when you need it the most. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers during this trying time.