Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Healing

So, tonight as I went to bed alone I began to remember the pain of losing my babies. I know some people think I should be over it by now or moving on...but the truth is, whether you lose a baby at 4 weeks, 7 weeks, 9 months or 9 years the pain is great. My heart aches for the cries I never got to hear, the baby I never got to smell and the birth I never got to experience. I wrote in my journal, I cried to my husband, I read other blogs and nothing seemed to make the tears go away. So, I decided to write a poem that expressed how much I miss my babies. The poem is about the most devistating one; while each of them are horrible and I always wonder...what if? why? how many more?...etc the loss in June is sometimes unbearable. While I often wonder how I will go on I remember that God is giving me opportunities for strength and reminds me that He does have better plans for my life. So, I wanted to share my deepest feelings with you in my poem. I feel honored to carry these babies for such a short time and give them a warm place until God called them home. Please enjoy my latest memorial to my babies!


Baby Strayer

We saw your heartbeat at only 7 weeks
It was beautiful and perfect
God granted us that one peek

Our joy shown through our tears
Daddy loved you; he could not believe his eyes
He instantly pictured the next eighteen years.

A Yankee fan you would be
“Whether boy or girl”, he said.
“They’ll love NY, you will see.”

Within 24 hours, your life was cut short
Our dreams for you had vanished
We envisioned nothing of this sort.

Now, you have gone to visit with God
A brother, a sister, a grandma and more
My life has changed without you here;
I will never know the future that you had in store.

I pray that you hear me, know you are missed
And someday when I hold you in Heaven
The first thing I will do is give you a kiss.

From your cloud in Heaven, watch over me and dad
As we struggle without you
And try not to be sad.

~Author, Leza Strayer

1 comment:

Crystal Gail said...

I'm sorry you have to feel this pain and no one can tell you how to grieve. Those losses are nothing you ever get over those are your babies and you will live with that pain forever because you are their mother. But you learn to live a new life where you had to let them go and be with God for his purpose and you are stronger because of it and you are stronger because you can cry when you need to and express yourself how you want to. You inspire me. I love you.